Last week I started a new job. It’s pretty sweet so far, but don’t worry; I’m sure the complaints and whining will start rolling in faster than an avalanche in Colorado. Last week I also started something else: Drinking coffee.
I know what you’re thinking. BUT YOU ALREADY DRANK COFFEE BEFORE. And you are correct, sir. Some of you may remember the blog posts, the tweets, the marriage proposals—all about my lovely friend, coffee. I stopped drinking coffee last March in preparation for my baby friend to arrive. I was a loony person. I tossed and turned at night, dreaming of my dark brown roasted amigo. How would I wake in the morning? More importantly, how would my coworkers survive my zombie attacks without coffee? Coffee-less mornings could be devastating.
SHOCKINGLY, after a weening down period, I survived. I thought, “Maybe it’s enough just to inhale the smell of coffee beans.” Waking up was a huge pain in the ass, on top of all of those WONDERFUL pregnancy symptoms, but overall, I was impressed with myself.
If I can give up coffee, I can do ANYTHING.
Except, I was pregnant. I don’t know if anyone has told you this but here’s a little secret: Pregnant women can’t do shit. More importantly, pregnant women can’t eat anything. Hot dogs? Death. Sandwiches? Death. Caffeine? Heartburn and death. Don’t eat peanut butter, your baby will get an allergy. Too much fish is no no NO. Before I put anything in my mouth, I found myself Googling, “Is ________ safe to eat when pregnant?” And then I would Google, “If I eat _________, will I kill my baby?”
I also came to the conclusion while pregnant that Google is more dangerous than any of the above foods.
Six months into the whole baby wrangling and I’m just now starting to get my swagger back. I was able to eat a Nathan’s hot dog in one bite. It was GLORIOUS. And now, now I have coffee back.
The best part about drinking coffee again? I say less mean things to people. Now if someone says something utterly idiotic, I gulp down my coffee. I smile.
All is well.