Personally I think it’s Kachina dolls, but when I told Hubs he just shook his head and left the room. I think he’s upset I’m always right.

The balled up fists mean "I LOVE YOU."

In any event, I’m glad we’ve made it this far, Hubs, and I love you. I can’t wait until we celebrate our fifth year. I hear the gift is “Pool boys,” so start your hunt early!

EVERY picture I tried to take he was either covering his face or drinking something, so I said screw it. This is how he's going to be remembered on the internet--As the WATERBOY.

*Jazz hands*

This morning I read an article on Pajiba about getting more gay romantic comedy movies out there with possible pairings we’d love to see. I am totally behind this idea. I ADORE the idea of Ewan McGregor and Jude Law in bed together:

Plenty of room for me to squeeze in between those two.

Or Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy:

I can't stand the cuteness.

But I couldn’t help but notice in the post a lack of love for the lesbians of the world. Where’s the lady hookups we’re all dying for? Luckily, I’m a lady (in certain company), so I think I’m a perfect judge for potential rom-com couples.

Morena Baccarin and Jewel Staite: Because seriously, the way they look at each other.

HEART.

Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders: I LOVE Lily and Marshall, but you wanted to see this happen too, right?

Kids, there was one time when aunt Lily and aunt Robin...

Aisha Tyler & Felicia Day: Two of the funniest, nerdiest people. Ever.

They meet over a love of MMOs. I think I need a new pair of pants.

Jennifer Aniston & Courteney Cox: For obvious reasons.

Joey's head just exploded.

Kate Winslet & Natalie Portman: For no other reason than I LOVE these two actresses. And they’re adorable as hell.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE SMILING ABOUT BUT YAY.

 Jennifer Lawrence & …Me: Admit it, Jen. We’d be good together. I’m just as adorably awkward during interviews as you are! And by “interviews,” I mean “pep talks in the mirror.” Our meet-cute would be AWARD-WINNING. (I promise I won’t try to go all Hunger Games on you.) Call me back.

I, too, play aggressively with action figures. WE'RE MEANT TO BE.

Did I miss anyone? Any other couples (doesn’t have to be female/female) you’d like to see added to this list?

I shouldn’t have to say this, but no hate guys. Unless it’s against clowns. Then have at it.

EDIT: Per a request from Annie Sisk, I’m adding Nathan Fillion to this list (LIKE YOU’RE SURPRISED).

Nathan Fillion & Wil Wheaton: Because they would bicker like an old adorable married couple.

And that means Anne Wheaton is left me FOR ME. You know, in case Jennifer Lawrence refuses to come to her senses.

Winter is coming....7,000 pages after this moment.

I first heard about Game of Thrones at the end of last summer, when everyone was all OOOOOOOOOMMMMGGGG THIS SHOW!!!!! And I was all, “Whatevs bitches. I’m just gonna watch Firefly on Netflix because I HATE CHANGE.”

I didn’t hear anything more about the books or the show until my writer pal, Dustin Hansen, was helping me with plotting and said, “Hey, btw, you should TOTALLY read these books. You’d love Dany.”

I texted Hubs and said, I WANT THESE BOOKS because whenever a writer friend says, “I love this book” I  immediately run out and buy it. I’m such a sucker for peer pressure. Being the spoiled little snot I am, Hubs even brought me the books THAT DAY at lunch. I slapped him on the butt as thanks.

I read. And I read. And for good measure, I read some more. My goodness, that George R. R. Martin is a long-winded bastard.

After about 300 pages, I had yet to hit the “sinking in” point. I went back to Dustin and I was like, “DUDE. WHAT GIVES? You steered me wrong, my friend. I don’t know who’s who and I’m BORED. Why am I supposed to care about Bran and Jon and ZzZzZzZz….”

Dustin, being the generous and forgiving soul he is, said, “Keep reading. It’s slow, but it gets better.”

I scoffed, but I had paid for the books, dammit, so I was going to finish. If I could push myself through the TWILIGHT books (while jamming a ballpoint pen into my eye), Game of Thrones should be cake.

I don’t remember when I turned from “Just get through this” to “OMG What happens next?!” (I think it was around the time Tyrion walked out of the Eyrie like the swaggering badass he is) but I was hooked. Since then, I’ve watched the first season of the series three times and read the first three books. Now I sit every Sunday, eagerly awaiting the newest episode. I’ll start Book Four when Season Two wraps up (HOLY SHIT Book Three was exhausting).

There are still some flaws in the series–mainly, the lengthy descriptions and the need for a character cheat sheet. Oh, and I still HATE Jon and Bran. I’m told Jon gets better. Bran remains unbearable. AWESOME.

I love the series so much I’ve taken to creating “fanart” for Robb Stark (OMG SO PRETTY), the Dany/Jorah “ship,” and even few little *ahem* graphics that I find hilarious. Like this one:

Sidenote: I know I'm supposed to feel sorry for Theon, especially with the way HBO is driving home his character, but I can't. To me, he's just an exaggerated version of Draco Malfoy and I hate that punk.

What do you think of Game of Thrones? Have you fallen into the TIME SUCK that is A Song of Ice and Fire? (I GOT IT RIGHT!) Who’s your favorite character?

I have to admit, Dustin had me pegged. I absolutely ADORE Daenerys Targaryen.

Also, being a complete loser, I noticed something curious about today’s date:

Did you mean, "Take the day off?"

Happy Hump Day, guys!

Maybe we don’t really have the day off, but why don’t you tell me in the comments what you would do if you DID? We can daydream and maybe it will make the time pass faster.

“Jen must be procrastinating something.”

You bet your pretty little behind I am.

IN MY DEFENSE, it’s because I have this wonderful idea for a story in my head, and it WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE, but I force myself to continue with what I’ve started. Then my reward will be the shiny new WIP. (This paragraph made more sense in my head.)

But see, I was tagged to do this thing. This writer thing. And I never back down from a tagging. When I’m long gone, I don’t want people to refer to me as, “Jen the girl who never followed through when she was tagged. Also, we’re not sure if she wore deodorant.”

Here are the rules: (I stole them from Trisha’s blog post, because she tagged me, and I’m ridiculously lazy.)

It’s called The Lucky Seven Game, and it’s basically a game of writerly tag. If you’re tagged, you have to do the following:

1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next seven lines/sentences as they are – no cheating
4. Tag 7 other authors

Okay, so this snippet is from my WIP Spring of Innocents that has been sucking my soul lately because it wants to be long-winded and twisty. I chose lines from page 77. Brynn, the MC, is searching for her daughter, Elie.

(FYI: I’m horrible at setting up scenes or writing synopses or anything where I am forced to write a short amount. That’s also why this is longer than seven lines; I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HANGING MID-SENTENCE.)

“Missing something?” A voice behind the trio rattled. Brynn turned her head to see three men on horseback—ragged warriors with crimson cloaks. Red’s cloaks.

Wolves.

Brynn’s breath caught in her throat as she searched for signs of Elie. Nothing. She wasn’t with them. Words failed her and she wanted to run. Drochrath air, she had to be brave. Her life for Elie’s, that was the deal she made with herself. A Wolf jumped off his horse and swaggered toward Brynn.

“My lady,” he exaggerated his bow. The other men snickered. “We’re not here to harm you. In fact, I bring you,” he paused with a grin, catching Brynn’s eyes. Her heart pounded. Elie. Elie. Elie. “Joyous news.”

There you have it. TADA.

And now to tag seven unsuspecting writers…

I CHOOSE YOU,

Branli Caidryn

Harley May

Kristina Martin (She already did one: HERE)

Anne Riley

Tawna Fenske

Sue London

Denise Swank (Already done: HERE)

And even if I didn’t tag you, imagine I’m poking you right now, urging you to go forth and post your sevens!

…#notdirty.

Since I have two writers who’ve already done the Lucky 7, I’m adding TWO MORE:

Dustin Hansen

Ben Brooks

THERE. You two have been officially tagged. NOW SHUT UP AND DO IT.

It should have been a cake walk day to enjoy the surroundings and relax in the sun. Except, it was hot outside and I’m not sure if you know this, but golf? It’s as boring as popsicles melting.

Not to be confused with "Pericles melting" which is what the spell checker wanted me to write.

I WANTED to give away the car so I could go back to an air conditioned office and stare out my window pretending it was thunderstoming outside. Or at least drive my golf cart around like a 4-wheeler (which I did eventually try, but golf carts don’t have great AWD). Don’t get me wrong, I like the outdoors, but I was in the middle of a golf course–a million miles away from civilization–and my phone only had 40% battery left a quarter of the way through the damn tournament. I left my book in the car like an idiot. I didn’t even have pen and paper! I was cut off from humanity and I was desperate for SOMETHING to do.

And in case you’re curious: golfers HATE when you talk to them. (They especially hate when you scream “BRICK!” as they line up to shoot. Or tee. Or whatever it’s called.)

I tried to bribe them. “Look, if you bring me a sandwich and a new phone battery, I’ll let you kick the damn ball into the hole and the car’s yours.”

I will also accept a frozen Bluth banana and a magic trick.

NO TAKERS.

It wasn’t even because they were afraid of getting caught cheating or they couldn’t get close enough to the hole to make it look reasonable (though for being “avid” golfers, they weren’t very good). Every time I told someone to kick in the ball, they’d respond, “Nah. I don’t really need a new car. I just bought a new Audi. Or BMW. Or something else to make you feel even shittier about your life. That’s why I play golf and own plaid khaki pants, to rub in the fact that I’m awesome.”

"It just doesn't *shine* like it should."

Without anyone interested in owning a new car (or anyone willing to win it for me since according to Bossman I’m “ineligible”), I decided to play a game I was fond of playing in my years of working at a theme park food booth. It’s called, “Damn, this sucks.” What you do is find a few rocks (or woodland creatures, small children, whatever you fancy) and throw them at a nearby tree to see how many leaves you can knock off the branches. I expect it will be the “next big thing” at all the Frat parties.

You’re welcome.

Anyway! TO THE GIVEAWAY, BATMAN! 

What I have for you is a signed copy of Mockingjay from Suzanne Collins’ book tour in 2010. I was at the DC National Book Festival with Hubs and  my sister and it was amazing. I was able to meet so many authors, it was like being in the library from Beauty and the Beast, FILLED with all my favorite people. I met Elizabeth Kostova for cryin’ out loud.

Elizabeth Kostova and yours truly.

Naturally, the line for Collins’ autographs was halfway across the Mall. We were late getting in for an autograph (damn DC Metro), but it didn’t matter. Event helpers told us people started queuing up before the sun and as I NEVER do anything before the sun, I would have been at the back of the line regardless. (Her signing time slot was 11am-noon–still pushing it with that whole “early” thing.)

By the time noon rolled around we were still at the back of the line. Even with only one book per person, there were still thousands. (I don’t have exact numbers, but this is my story, dammit. This was my trip to Mordor.) Except, they didn’t shoo us away. The line continued to move forward, one at a time. And two hours later, we finally made it to the table.

Suzanne Collins was a freaking gem.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Everyone expected her to leave. Everyone in line was heartbroken when we thought we’d have to walk away empty-handed, but no one bashed her. We all understood that we missed our chance.

She stayed and made sure every single person had an autograph. She talked to all the people who went through her line. Hell, I babbled and foamed at the mouth about WriteOnCon and she was so intrigued by it, I stood and talked to her WHILE she signed for other people. I hugged her. Unfortunately, pictures weren’t allowed (time constraints), but it didn’t matter.

It was an amazing experience from someone I admire.

Yes, I am a professional photographer. If you would like to use my services, check my about page for contact information.

And now that story time is over, it’s to the goodies.

Here’s what you’re trying to win:

Even with a CAST on her wrist, she still stamped ALL THE BOOKS.

All you have to do is fill out the form and BAM. That’s it! I’ll pick a winner on March 30th (because after seeing the movie, you’re going to want to reread the books). If you have any questions, leave me a comment!

UPDATE: Congrats to Alaina Byrne for winning the signed copy of Mockingjay! Thanks everyone for entering and blogging and sharing. You guys are all so wonderful I wish I had MORE THINGS to giveaway. Hugs to all of you!

I routinely nick myself with said sharp knives when cutting slices of cheese, chopping vegetables, or trimming my fingernails. Inevitably, this happens:

Curse you, cuticle!

Ouch, right? Well, no problem. We’ll just rinse off the near-fatal wound and get a Band-Aid.

They don't taste like you'd expect.

Except, when I open the delicious box of Band-Aids, I find only two things:

Oh, good. If my finger had a pimple, I'd be covered!

Only beneficial if I cut off the finger.

I mumble a few curse words and then remember the last time I bought Band-Aids was in 1996 and I probably used all of the good Band-Aids a week after I bought the box.

Instead of learning my lesson and making a note to buy more Band-Aids, I wrap my finger in a paper towel and keep it place with Scotch Tape or a hair tie. (I’m like MacGyver, only better.)

Finding one of these is like finding the Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka's factory. Or like finding $5.

You know those sweet old people on the street who remind you, “Cherish it while you can! It goes by quickly!” Well, I listened. I DID cherish it. I stared at him for an entire year and I STILL don’t remember when he grew up.

Every time he does something that reminds me he’s a kid and not a baby, I clutch my pearls and openly weep. Okay, I don’t own pearls, but you understand.

I did everything humanly possible to keep him a baby. I put heavy objects on him to keep him from growing taller. I refused to let him hold his own bottle. I tripped him when he started walking.

NONE OF IT WORKED.

Instead, I’ll have to be okay with the fact that we can now play Legos together and he eats ALL MY FOOD. He sits on my lap with a blanket and a stuffed dinosaur and falls asleep to me reading a book or watching Futurama (EDUCATIONAL). He laughs at all the right things now, instead of just when he has gas. (Except last night when he laughed about putting macaroni in my hair. THAT WAS NOT FUNNY WHEN I FOUND IT TWO HOURS LATER, KID.)

My goodness, I love this kid with all my heart.

Happy Birthday, Wookie.

Someone stop the growing madness!

Don’t know who Juanita Weasel is? DO YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK? 

If you click the first link about the Juanita meme challenge and skim through the comments, you’ll see a lot of funny memes. Oh, internet, you crack my shit up. I want to hug all of you with your hilarious, geeky sense of humor. 

But I win. 

Because this is my blog and I said so. 

I have seen this meme EVERYWHERE on Facebook, so I stole it, and made it better.

If you understand this, YOU WIN. But you don’t win more than me. I made it. 

I almost settled for a meme that said, “Juanita doesn’t want to feed. She wants to hunt!” But this, in my mind, was funnier. I may yet make one anyway. 

WE WERE ALL THINKING IT. Juanita just had the balls to say it. 

UPDATE: I had to add one more.

Juanita goes musical.